Insanity Is Contagious
by Mardia
Summary: ~Finished~ Chapters have been put in order. Michael's POV of certain moments from PIL.
1. December 7th, Kenny and Michael have a b...

A/N: Aaaand here's the new chapter of Insanity Is Contagious. Enjoy! 

December 7th

Okay, that was…weird. 

Bizarre, in fact. It was the best news I've heard in a long time and all, but-bizarre all the same.

Kenny just called. Yes, Kenny, as in Kenny, guy-who-has-stolen-girl-of-my-dreams-right-out-from-my-unsuspecting-nose Kenny.

Oh, please don't think I'm bitter. 

Anyway, our conversation went something like this:

Me: Hello, Kenny. (Cannot muster up any fake enthusiasim over Kenny's phone call.)

Kenny: (sounding depressed) Hey, Michael. Listen, I just-I kind of need your advice on…something.

Me: (curious) On what?

Kenny: It's about…well, it's about Mia.

(OH. MY.GOD. I am now officially in hell. I am now reduced to giving Kenny and Mia advice over their relationship. Life has sunk to a new low. Am LAST person Kenny should come to with quandries over girlfriend, seeing as how am in love with aforementioned girlfriend.)

Kenny: Michael? Are you still there?

Me: Uh, yeah, I'm still here, Kenny. Look-I'm not sure I'm the best person to go to on this-

Kenny: Look, I've talked to everyone I know. Mia's been friends with your sister for years. If anyone can help me here, it's you. 

Me: (sighing) Fine. What's wrong?

Kenny: Um…well…

Me: Kenny, spit it out. 

Kenny: It's just-Mia-uh-she doesn't-

Me: (impatient) Kenny, I can't help if I don't know what's going on.

Kenny: It's-when I try to kiss Mia-

(Oh, SHIT! MERDE! This is NOT GOOD. Okay? Do you have any idea how much helping Kenny figure out how to kiss Mia, a girl that I've been in love with for what feels like forever, is NOT on my list of things-to do???!!!)

Kenny: (continuing, unaware of the fact that it's taking all of my self-control not to hang up the phone, go to his apartment and throttle him) –well, she turns her head so all I get is cheek and occasionally some hair.

Me: (disbelieving that God has apparenttly decided to take mercy on me) Ex-excuse me?

Kenny: I know. At first I thought it was an accident, then I thought that maybe it was 'cause Lars was nearby. But-not to be crude-we've been going out since Halloween-

(An fact that I know all too well.)

Kenny: -and I-we-haven't, um-we haven't kissed. Like-_really_ kissed. You know, with, uh-tougues and-everything. 

(Am deeply horrified at image of Mia and Kenny kissing like that. Disgusted. BAD THOUGHT! Want to slaughter Kenny for even CONSIDERING the idea. Am also THRILLED that Mia hasn't let him yet. God bless her.)

Kenny: Michael?

Me: (grinning broadly and grateful that Kenny can't see that) Kenny, maybe Mia's…not ready for that yet. You know, with the whole Josh Richter thing and all. (Mental glower at thought of jackass which goes by name of Josh Richter.) She probably wants to make sure you're not using her or anything. (Congratulating self on actually giving good advice while making sure that Kenny doesn't go too far with Mia.)

Kenny: You know, I never thought of it that way. Of course she's still wary after what that jerk did to her. 

Me: (wisely) Having psychoanalysts for parents does have its perks.

Kenny: Yeah. I should show her by my WORDS that I care for her. 

Me: (alarmed now) Uh, Kenny-

Kenny: Thanks, Michael. Listen, I'm going to call Mia now, okay?

Me: Um…yeah. No problem.

Kenny: Bye, Michael.

Me: Bye, Kenny.

(We hang up.)

Me: (to myself) I don't know why, but I don't like the sound of that…

So there it is. I'm thrilled that Mia and Kenny's relationship isn't working out-and no, I don't feel a bit guilty-and I'm relieved too. 

No, the irony of Kenny coming to me for advice on his relationship with Mia has not escaped me. But I still have a bad feeling about something…nah. Must be my imagination.  

Right?


	2. December 9th, Kenny's declaration of lov...

Insanity Is Contagious 

Author's note: After I wrote this chapter, I had a-I guess you would call it a flash of insipration. Anyway, I thought: What would Michael do when Kenny showed up at the Computer Club meeting after his…declaration of love. And I took a reviewer's advice and put in Michael's reaction to Mia's list of guys she could spend eternity with. I don't think it's too good, but anyway, the new parts are in the middle of the chapter. And I've put hints as to what the new chapter is about.

Rating: PG (if you've read the books, you'll be fine with this)

Paring: Michael/Mia

Spoliers: Everything through Princess in Love

Characters: Michael's POV

Disclaimer: The Princess Diaries and Michael Moscovitz don't belong to me, they belong to Meg Cabot.

Tuesday, December 9th 

I _cannot_ believe what is going on in this school. Everyone has evidently gone crazy from the stress of the upcoming finals. Lilly is willing to start yet _another_ one of her deranged campaigns for mankind, this time a walkout. 

No, I'm not kidding. She wants to stage a walkout in _December_, in the middle of the freaking street in the middle of freaking winter. 

I always knew Lilly was psychotic, but this whacked-out idea takes the cake in the history of Lilly's whacked-out ideas. 

And I've also lost my mind. That's the only explanation I can think of for why I'm actually _involved_ with a school event. The Computer Club actually has a booth at this year's Nondenominational Winter Dance, and I'm helping.

Yes, I, Michael I'd-Rather-Die-Than-Go-To-A-School-Event Moscovitz am actually helping at one. 

At least when I went to the Cultural Diversity Dance, I had a legitimate excuse, seeing as how I wanted to make sure Josh Richter didn't hurt Mia. I'm not really sure what I thought I could do, since Mia does have a bodyguard and all. 

So I've gone crazy, Lilly's gone even crazier than usual, (something I thought was impossible until now) and now Kenny Showalter's lost it. 

Yeah, Kenny has now succumbed to what I now call Pre-Finals-Stress-Syndrome. How do I know that Kenny's finally lost his sanity? Simple. 

Okay, I'm walking out of chemistry, talking to Judith, when I see Kenny in the crowd. Mia's also around, but she's farther off. (I've evidently grown this sixth sense where I instantly know if Mia's anywhere nearby.)

I'm about to say hi when he yells, "I don't care if you don't feel the same way, Mia, I will always love you!" 

I bet you're thinking that I've finally snapped. That I've lost whatever hold I have on reality. But I swear I'm not making this up. Why on earth would I want to make _this_ up? And don't suggest that I'm a sucker for punishment. When Kenny told me about him telling Mia how much he cared, this was NOT what I had in mind. Me and my big mouth. 

My jaw nearly hitting the floor, I spun around to see Mia's face. It was totally drained of color. She looked like she was about to faint. Then she turned and dragged Shameeka away without saying anything to Kenny.

Judith turned to me. "Did you hear what Kenny just said?"

I stared at her. "Judith, the _entire freaking hallway_ just heard what Kenny said."

And sure enough, everyone was laughing and talking about it. 

Judith must have realized that I wasn't exactly thrilled about this. "I think it's kind of sweet," she offered. 

"_Sweet_?" I repeated incredulously. This proves, once and for all, that I will never understand females. "It wasn't _sweet_, it was _idiotic_! Now Mia's completely humiliated!"

"Okay, maybe he could have found a better place to tell her," Judith agreed. 

"No, he could have definitely found a better place to tell her," I told Judith. "Like somewhere where a third of the school can't overhear!"

Judith looked startled. "Well, you have to admit that it's cute. I mean, it took David four months before he said the L word. Kenny and Mia have been going out for what, two?" David is Judith's boyfriend who goes to Trinity.

"This wasn't cute or sweet, it just proves that Kenny's turning into a stalker," I growled. 

"_Michael_-"

"No, I'm not going to take it back. Has he lost his mind?" I demanded. "What was he _thinking_?"

Judith shrugged. "Look, I've got to get to class. You've got G&T fifth period, so I'll talk to you again. Okay?"

"Sure," I said. 

"And Michael?" 

I'd been walking towards my next class, but I turned around. "Yeah?"

"I-uh, well, if I was Mia, I'd be happy that someone thought of me in that way," Judith said. "Just so you don't worry about her or anything." Judith's has got this idea that I think of Mia as my little sister, and that I have to protect her. The truth is that my feelings are as far away from brotherly emotion as possible. 

I nodded. "Yeah. Look, Judith, I've really got to go."

"Sure."

During English, all I could think about was what Judith had said. A lot of girls were saying how sweet Kenny was for doing that. What if Mia thought that what Kenny did was actually cute and she decided to say the same-?

I didn't want to think about that possibility. 

Unfortunately for me, it was all Lilly and Judith could talk about during G&T. 

"It's really sweet," Judith told Mia. "If you think about it. I mean, the guy's clearly got it bad for you."

Yeah, Kenny's got a major thing for Mia. Unfortunately. 

Judith was trying to make Mia feel better, but I could tell that it wasn't working, since Mia was looking at Judith like she was nuts.

Of course, my big-mouthed, annoying, I-know-everything-about-everyone little sister just _had_ to open said big mouth. "He's obviously very in touch with his emotions," Lilly told Mia. "Unlike _some_ people." See, this is what's wrong with Lilly. Instead of telling her friends what they're doing right and supporting them, Lilly has to point out what's wrong with them, and when there's nothing wrong with them, she has to create a problem that they don't really have. Can't she just leave well enough alone?

I'm not really sure why I opened my mouth at this point. Maybe because it was obvious that Mia was for some reason, unable to stand up to Lilly. Or maybe it was because I was at the breaking point after hearing everyone talking about what had happened and wondering if Kenny and Mia were going to elope or whatever. 

Anyway, I said, "Just because Mia doesn't go around shouting about how she feels in the third floor hallway doesn't mean she isn't in touch with her emotions."

Lilly and Judith looked at me in shock while Mia gave me a grateful look. I was starting to get a little pissed off. I mean, has anybody thought of the possibility that maybe, just maybe, MIA'S NOT IN LOVE WITH THE GUY????!!!!

It could happen. 

"Yeah," Mia said in triumph. 

Lilly rolled her eyes and sounded annoyed. For some reason, whenever I voice my opinion when Lilly's giving her so-called good advice to Mia, she gets annoyed. What, is she the only person who's allowed to say something? News flash, Lil, this is the United States, not Lillyville. And there's a little matter of the FIRST AMENDMENT. Free speech and all that.

"Well, you could have said something back to him," Lilly insisted, "instead of just leaving him hanging there."

"And what," Mia demanded, "should I have said to him?"

"How about," Lilly sarcastically suggested, "that you love him back?"

By this point, everyone in the damn room was listening. I was praying to whatever deity was listening that Mia would say that she didn't feel the same way. I mean, if there's any justice left in this world, she would say that she didn't think of Kenny in that way, that he was just a friend, and that she happened to be madly in love with me. 

Well. It could happen. If there was any justice left on this earth, it would have.

And it did. Well, sort of. 

"Look," Mia said, her cheeks burning. "I really and truly value Kenny's companionship," Mia insisted. "But love. I mean, _love_. That is a very big thing." And it _is_. They've only been going out for two months, for God's sake. Why is everyone expecting Mia to be madly and passionately in love with him? "I'm not, I mean, I don't…." Mia trailed off at this point. 

I was ready to finish the sentence for her. I mean, it was obvious she didn't feel the same way. If she did, why would she be freaking out like this? But Judith gave me this warning look. I know she meant, 'Michael, this is none of your business and you've already butted in once, so why don't you just let Mia talk now?'

Lilly's eyes narrowed, a sure sign that she was about to start psychoanalyzing Mia. You know, you're supposed to have a license to psychoanalyze someone, so why is Lilly, who is still a freshman in high school, analyzing people every chance she gets? I mean, she's always ranting about how she wants to strike her own path and not follow in Mom and Dad's footsteps, so what is she doing analyzing her head off? 

"I see. Fear of commitment," Lilly declared. 

"I do not fear commitment," Mia insisted. "I just-"

At this point, Judith nudged me and suggested we get back to work. I was about to protest, but she shot me another warning look, but this one said, 'Michael, stay out of this, because it's none of your business.' So I shut up and got to work on the stupid program while my stupid psychopath of a sister psychoanalyzed her perfect but clueless best friend. 

You know, it _is_ my business whether or not Kenny and Mia stay together. I mean, if a person sees an accident about to happen, isn't it his duty as a human being to try and stop it?

Well, Kenny and Mia are horrible together. I mean, it's perfectly obvious that Mia's not interested in Kenny. Not at all. And they're not suited to each other at all. So, shouldn't I, as a human being interested in the well being of other fellow human beings, help Mia voice her true feelings?

Okay, okay, I admit that I'm just hoping that the reason Mia's not interested in Kenny is because she happens to be wildly, passionately, and overpoweringly in love with me. 

So I've got an active fantasy life. Sue me.

BTW, Lilly made Mia write up a list of people that Mia could see herself committing to for all eternity. I managed to sneak a peek. Here it is:

GUYS MIA THERMOPOLIS COULD SEE HERSELF COMMITTING TO FOR ALL ETERNITY (commentary by yours truly)

Wolverine of the _X-men_ ( Huh? Dude's kinda hairy, and plus those claw thingies? Ehh.) That _Gladiator _guy (Russell Crowe? Too old.) 

3.   Will Smith. ( Mia, hate to break it to you, but Will Smith is happily married. And has kids.)

4. Tarzan from the Disney cartoon (Hair's too long. Plus, they can't have too good hygeine out there in the jungle. And in case you didn't notice, I'm going to find ways to take down every guy on this list. I'll explain why later.)

The Beast from _Beauty and the Beast_ (She's obviously got an obsession with this story…) That hot solider guy from _Mulan_ (Mia, could you start picking people in this dimension, please?) The guy Brendan Fraser played in _The Mummy _(I'm starting to sense a pattern here…) Angel (Okay, this is one name that actually makes sense. Every girl I know who's watched Buffy has had a crush on him at one point. But the whole 'having to drink blood to survive' and 'no sex' might put a strain on the relationship.) Tom on _Daria_ (Okay, that's IT. What is WITH her obsession with fictional characters?) Justin Baxendale (Oh my God, Mia, you did NOT put another jock idiot on this list after you finally got over your crush on Josh-I'm-So-Hot-Richter.) 

So, wanna take a guess as to why I'm trashing every guy on this list? Go on. No? Well, I'll tell you. I'M NOT ON IT! 

How am I supposed to compete with fictional characters that don't exist in this dimension, an actor who pulls in 20 million per movie, and a guy who has outed the mighty Josh Richter as Hottest Male In School, I ask you? 

Not to mention the fact that Mia's already got a boyfriend who is not at all afraid to declare his love for her in public.

I am so completely screwed it isn't even funny.

After the most bizzare Computer Club meeting in history… 

My life is currently spinning out of control. 

Okay, I was at the meeting of the Computer Club, right? Even though we really need to work on the booth for the Carnival, everyone's basically slacking off, and Judith's trying to get us to work. Wasn't happening.

So everyone's chatting, and Judith's trying to restore order, and then Kenny walks in. Everyone falls silent and stares at him. 

Kenny breaks the silence with a loud sigh. As he drops his backpack on the floor, he goes, "Guess I don't need to ask you guys whether you heard about what happened."

Paige, a freshman, says instantly, "No, Kenny, it was really…sweet."

I snort and Judith elbows me. 'Sweet' was _not_ how I'd describe THE INCIDENT. (That's how I'm seeing it in my mind now, in capital letters.) A case of incredible stupidity, yes. Evidence or a _clearly_ twisted mind, obviously. But _sweet_? Come on. If I had any idea that this what would come out of my advice on the 7th, I would have hung up on him immediately.

Matt, a senior, jumps in. "It's cool that you feel that way and all, but-_damn_, don't you think you could have found somewhere more-private?"

Kenny's looking embarrassed, a fact that I take joy in. (Oh yeah, I'm definitely going to have to schedule an analysis with my parents later on.) "I know, but-dammit, I didn't expect her to react like _that_!"

Okay, at this point, I have to step in. HAVE to. Even though my brain is screaming at me not to, my mouth flat-out refuses to listen. 

"And just," I demand, staring at him, "how did you expect her to react?" Judith elbows me again, this time a little harder. 

Kenny sighed again. "I don't know! I'm not saying she had to kiss me back but-anything-even a _slap_ would have been better than the deer-in-headlights look on her face and her running off in the opposite direction!"

After this, my brain loses all control over my big mouth. 

"You've been going out since Halloween, right Kenny?" I ask.

Kenny's unsure where I'm going with this. "Yeah…"

"And in this time, I'm guessing the two of you talked." 

He's still confused, and now everyone's looking at us. Judith doesn't know what I'm doing, but I can tell she doesn't like the sound of it.

"Well, yeah-"

"So in all that time, it never occurred to you that not only is Mia _extremely_ introverted, but that she _hates_ making scenes in public?" I ask incredulously.

I mean, come on people, he's her _boyfriend_, for crying out loud. He's _supposed_ to know this kind of stuff. 

By this point, everyone's staring at me and Kenny's face is turning a very interesting shade of pink. 

"_Michael_…" I hear Judith hiss. I turn to see her glaring at me. Not up to Lilly's glares, which could strike fear into the heart of Genghis Khan, but still, a pretty damn good glare.

"Hey, I just want to know why he couldn't have told her when one-third of the freaking school can't hear!" I say loudly.

Kenny interrupts quietly. "That wasn't the first time I told her."

We all look at him, and he uncomfortably continues. "I kind of-toldheroverthephone."

After _that_ revelation, I'm convinced that not even Dr. Freud would have able to straighten Kenny out.  

"You declared your love for her over the phone." I repeat flatly. 

"Yeah." Kenny's face is turning bright pink. "And uh-while her reaction wasn't as bad as today's, it-it wasn't good."

"What happened?" Judith asked gently. 

"After I said-well, you know-there was this really long silence. Like Titantic director's cut-length. And then she said, and I quote, 'Um, okay.' That's what she said. 'Um, okay.'"

My mouth falls open. But there's more. 

"And then she said, and again this is a direct quote, 'Well, see you tommorrow.' Then she hangs up."

By now, my jaw is nearly hitting the floor and I'm trying to grasp the magnitude of what I've just heard. 

There's only one explanation. 

Mia's not in love with Kenny. 

I mean, seriously, if she _were_ in love with Kenny, would her reaction be like-_that_?

Finally, Matt speaks. "Are you _sure_ that's what she said?"

Kenny looks at him and says flatly, "That was the first time I've said 'I love you' to someone who wasn't my mom. Her reaction's been burned into my brain. Yeah, I'm pretty sure."

I quickly grab a manual and hide my face behind it. Unfortunately, Judith notices the huge grin I'm sporting. 

Or maybe she just noticed that I was holding the book upside-down.

At any rate, she realises something's up. 

"Can I talk to you outside?' she hisses in my ear. 

"Actually, Miss Gershner, I'd like to do that myself if you don't mind," I hear behind me.

Everyone's head snaps toward the door. 

Mr. Gianini, Mia's _stepfather_, is standing inside the doorway, looking incredibly amused. 

"How much did you hear?" Judith asks, my mouth being unable to work for once.

Mr. Gianini smiles strangely. "Enough."

Lilly's yelling for me to come to dinner. More later.

After a dinner that was weird even for this family… 

My parents think that Mia has intamicy issues and is clearly unable to commit to her relationship with Kenny. They also think that Kenny is very 'in-tune with his emotions' but is also very impulsive. Lilly agrees with them. 

Why was I born into a family that is clearly delusional?

Anyway, back to the tale…

I walk out into the hallway with Mr. Gianini. He closes the door, and I'm tempted to tell him that that's not going to stop everyone from hearing, since they probably have their ears plastered to the door.

"So," Mr. Gianini says with that strange smile on his face. "What's going on?"

"Going on?" My voice squeaks, and I clear my throat. "Nothing's going on."

Mr. Gianini's smile grows wider. "That's not what I saw. What I saw was you chewing off poor Kenny's head in there."

"Okay, first off, he's not 'poor Kenny', all right. The guy's a lunatic. He's certifiable-" I start to rant, then break off when Mr. Gianini starts laughing. 

He calms down and waves a hand. "Please continue. I'm kind of curious to find out why you're so upset over this."

"Well-it's just-you know, I've known Mia for a long time and…I guess I see her as a little sister." 

Mr. Gianini's got that strange smile on his face again. "I see."

BAM. I realise what that smile of Mr. Gianini's means. 

It's the smile of a man that has finally managed to prove something that he's suspected for a while, and is incredibly amused over this fact. 

In other words, he's figured out that I've got a major thing for his stepdaughter. 

Oh, crap. I'm screwed. 

"Well, I'm grateful that you're-uh, looking out for my stepdaughter and everything, but just tone it down a little, okay?" Mr. Gianini suggests. 

I shrug. "Okay."

He starts walking away, then turns back towards me. "Did-did Kenny really say 'I love you' over the phone?" he asks. 

I nod my head. 

He shakes his head slightly. "Huh." He starts walking again, and over his shoulder, he says, "By the way, Michael, if you want to remain in denial about the fac that you've got a thing for Mia, that's fine by me."

By the time I get my jaw off the floor, he's gone.

I shake my head. "Oh, yeah. I'm screwed."

I walk into the room, and everyone's pretending to work, shooting me looks out of the corner of their eyes. I stop in the middle of the room. "All right, how much did you hear?" I demand.

"Nothing," Paige said in a tone of disappointment. "The door was too thick."

Everyone glares at her and she cringes. "Sorry!"

Judith looks at me. "So, what did he say?"

I shrug. "Not much. He wanted me to stop picking on Kenny so much." 

Hey, it's the truth. Sort of. Okay, a selective truth.

"So, he's not mad?" Kenny asks nervously.

I shake my head. "Nah." Then I start feeling a little twinge of guilt. After all, Kenny's IS an okay guy. Sometimes. When he's not screaming about how much he loves Mia in the hallway. "Hey, Kenny, I'm sorry about yelling at you. It's just-I see Mia as a sister, you know? And I have to torture the guys she goes out with. It's a unwritten rule."

Kenny smiles. "It's cool."

The tension immediately leaves the room. 

Judith says in a busines-like tone. "Okay, now that that's settled, can we PLEASE get back to work?"

All right. So I lied about seeing Mia as a sister. Hey, as my grandmother always said, "Life would be an unbearable thing if we didn't believe at least a _few_ lies."

So I'm really making life more bearable for Kenny by letting him believe I see Mia as a sister, instead of telling him the truth, which is that I'm madly in love with his girlfriend. I'm being noble. Helping a fellow human being in need.

Even if I still think he belongs in a padded cell wearing a straitjacket.

At 9:00, after receiving a truly bizarre e-mail… 

This time, I really mean it. Lilly has lost whatever grip she had on reality. This isn't me saying that just because she's my annoying little sister, this is me saying this because she is obviously a sociopath and belongs in the mental ward. But do my parents realize this? No, they insist that Lilly is exercising her constitutional right to a peaceful protest.

If our founding forefathers could see how Lilly is twisting this right around, they might have thought twice about putting this in the Constitution. 

Lilly figured out how to send a mass e-mail to everyone in the school without my help. I'm not surprised, seeing as how even though she might be a twisted genius, she is still a genius. 

Basically, it says that there will be a silent walkout at 10:00 exactly to protest the apparent repressive censorship in the school and the inflexible exam schedules that the Gupta administration is enforcing. 

I know she's expecting everyone to actually do it, including me. 

Well, I'm not going to do it. This is the stupidest idea I've ever seen Lilly come up with and I am most definitely not going to stand around in the cold without a coat for a cause that I don't even believe in! I am _not_ willing to support my sister's apparent ambition to turn into some kind of dictator, thank you very much. Besides, has Lilly even realized that Mia has Algebra at that time? Her _stepfather_ teaches that class. How's he going to feel when everyone in the class, including his own stepdaughter, walks out?

And has she even considered the fact that somebody could actually get hit by a car? I mean, there are delivery trucks going across 75th all the time. But noooo, just because Mrs. Spears decided not to accept her paper topic, she has to go and punish the entire student body and the faculty.

I instant-messaged Mia, knowing that she's usually on the Internet at this time.

CracKing: Did you just get that whacked-out mass e-mail from my sister?

FtLouie: Yes.

CracKing: You're not going along with her stupid walkout, are you?

FtLouie: Oh, right. She won't be too mad if I don't, or anything. 

For crying out loud, Mia's stood up to Lilly before. Why can't she do it now?

CracKing: You don't have to do everything she says, you know, Mia. I mean, you've stood up to her before. Why not now?

And why not? What's Lilly going to do? I'll tell you, nothing. I stand up to Lilly all the time. If I didn't, she'd make my life a living hell. 

FtLouie: I find that the path of least resistance is often the safest one with your sister.  

Anyway, our conversation consisted of her congratulating me in getting into Columbia, and me inviting her to check out the Computer Club's table. I don't think she'll be upset about us showing Mr. Gianini in footie pajamas with a teddy bear, since she's been pretty cool about the whole her-stepfather-being-her-teacher thing. 

Okay, I know what you're thinking. That I'm putting the moves on Mia. But I'm not. Really. 

Honest.

I swear. 

Okay, so maybe I am. A little. Hey, she's not in love with Kenny. Right? Besides, it's not like she's married. We're just friends. And as her friend, can't I invite her somewhere? 

All right, all right. I'm hopelessly in love with Mia and I'm also praying that she falls madly in love with me and dumps Kenny. Yeah, I've got some major issues, even though my parents are psychoanalysts. So what? 

Like I said, insanity is evidently going around Albert Einstein like the flu. Let's just hope it's temporary.  


	3. December 10th, Michael gets the first no...

A/N: I wasn't planning to do another chapter to Insanity Is Contagious, but this idea kind of grabbed me. So I've decided to do certain parts of Princess In Love that have Michael as a main character. Or the ones where I could picture him freaking out. Such as the part where Mia destroyed Lana's phone, and I will be doing the night of the dance. But they might be out of order and if you want to see a certain part of the book, just let me know. 

December 10th

This school just keeps getting weirder and weirder. 

Remember Lilly's insane walkout that was supposed to happen at exactly 10:00 today? The one that I insisted was not only pointless and stupid but proves that my sister is even more messed-up than I thought. Well, at precisely 10:00 a fire alarm was pulled at the exact same time as the walkout. 

And before you ask, no, I didn't pull it.

You'd think Lilly would be happy about this, wouldn't you? I mean, the entire school was out there, freezing their asses off and trying not to get hit by the delivery trucks zooming around. Which was what her brilliant plan culminated in. 

A lot of people were complaining too, and who can blame them? We were all freezing, the school won't let us back in, and we're in danger of being run over by trucks containing boxes of Doritos. 

But of course, the biggest complainer is-you guessed it-Lilly. 

Here's a sample of her rant:

"Somebody ratted us out! Somebody told! Why else would they schedule a fire drill for exactly the same time as my walkout? I'm telling you, these bureaucrats will stop at nothing to keep us from speaking out against them. Nothing! They'll even make us stand out in freezing drizzle, hoping to weaken our immune systems so we'll no longer have the strength to fight them. Well, I for one refuse to catch cold! I refuse to succumb to their petty abuses!"

If _that_ didn't convince you that Lilly's insane, _nothing_ will. 

Mia was trying to talk Lilly into just submitting something else as her topic, but Lilly was having none of it. I could have told Mia that. See, that would be the sane, reasonable thing to do, and since when has Lilly _ever_ been either sane or reasonable?

Come to think of it, Mia was acting a little strange today. Like when Lilly was trying to come up with a list of possible suspects of who pulled the fire alarm, both Mia and Lars looked…carefully blank. Like they could say more than they chose to-

You don't think that-

Nah. There's no way that Mia would-I mean, she couldn't have done it. She's just not that devious. 

Right?

God, look at me. I'm turning into the King of Paranoia here. 

And that's not even the weirdest thing about today. 

I got a love letter. Me. _Not_ Josh Richter, _not_ Justin Baxendale, _me_. 

Un-freaking-believable. 

What's even more unbelievable is the cover of the note. It's got a picture of strawberries covered and dripping with chocolate. 

Whoever this girl is, she's either a: obsessed with me or b: has got some serious guts. 

Inside it says: 

Roses are red 

_Violets are blue_

_You may not know it_

_But someone loves you_

Whoa.

I know who I want the note to be from. Mia.

But seriously, supposing that Mia even did feel this way, would she really have-there's no other way to put it-the _balls_ to do it?

Three months ago, the answer would have been a resounding _no way_. 

But now…I just don't know. Mia's changed ever since this whole princess thing came out. Not that she's become snotty or anything, she's just more outspoken than she used to be. She hasn't turned into Lilly or anything, but still-

This is moot. Mia's going out with Kenny. She's not interested in me. 

End of story. 

Later…

I'm watching a tape of last night's Buffy, and really trying not to think about the stupid note that sitting on my stupid desk that I'm stupidly hoping is from a certain 5'9" vegan princess. 

So far, it's not working. 

Later…

My sister's supposed to be a genius, right? So how come she doesn't know the meaning of the word privacy?

Hello, Lil, I have all the ENTER AT YOUR OWN RISK signs up for a _reason_.

Here's what she does. She barges into my room while I'm on the Net, & picks up the stupid note. 

Me: (looking up sharply) Hey!

(Lilly's quickly scanning the note and looking amused. I stand up and grab the note away from her.)

Me: Do you mind?

Lilly: Interesting note. Know who it's from?

Me: (deadpan) Sure. Jennifer Lopez. Of course I don't know who it's from! Whoever it is didn't sign it!

I'll admit it, that fact is really starting to piss me off. 

Lilly: (shaking her head in apparent disgust) You really don't know who it's from, do you?

Me: (getting even more annoyed) Didn't you just hear me? I don-wait. You know who it's from?

Lilly: (looking at me and smirking) You know, Michael, for a guy who's going to an Ivy League school, you're unbelievably dense sometimes. (Turns and walks out while my jaw is nearly hitting the floor in disbeilef.)

Lilly knows (or thinks she knows) who the note's from.

And knowing her, hell will freeze over before she tells me. 

So here's the rundown on my life: The girl I'm crazy about has a boyfriend and has no clue how I feel, I've got a secret admirer who won't reveal herself, my whacko sister's planning to overthrow the administration of Albert Enstein, and I'm actually involved in a school event. 

Where's an apocalypse when you need one?


	4. December 11th, Lilly tells Michael

A/N: I don't like this chapter as much as the other ones somehow. Anyway, you guys know what'll improve this story: REVIEWS!

December 11th

Well.

I am at a loss for words. A first, I assure you.

This is just-wow.

It's strange. I have been hoping for this for so long, trying to resign myself to the odds of it happening were a million to one, and now that it's a possibility…I'm sitting here in my room, typing on my laptop, trying to let myself believe it. 

Ten minutes ago, Lilly-LILLY!-told me that Mia was my secret admirer. 

I think Hell has just frozen over. 

Later…

Here's what happened. Lilly burst into my room while I was trying to study for my Calculus final. 

The thing with Lilly: If she's got something to say, she'll just say it. No warnings, no beating around the bush, she'll come straight out with it. 

"Michael, Mia sent you that note."

It's amazing how six little words can completely alter your perception of reality. 

I stared at her, unable to speak.

Lilly raised an eyebrow. "Michael?"

I took a deep breath and managed to croak, "My hearing has to be impaired, 'cause I thought I heard you say that Mia sent me that note."

Lilly looked amused. "But I did. And don't try to deny that you're interested, 'cause I know you are. I probably realized it before you did, come to think of it."

Second big shocker of the day. Lilly-LILLY!-already knew before I did. 

In a highly confused state of disbelief, I said, "You…already knew?"

She nodded. "Well, yeah. An idiot could have seen it."

This is definitely not normal. She hasn't attempted to rip my head off, she isn't screaming her head off-no, she's just standing there calmly.

At that point I started wondering who this person is and what she has done with my sister.

"And you're not upset?" I asked, just to make sure. 

Lilly shook her head, still calm. "Not really. It took me a while to get used to the idea, but I'm okay with it."

"And the reason you haven't said anything before now is…?"

She shrugged. " I didn't think it was my place to interfere. I mean, setting up my best friend and my brother? Not one of my life goals. But I had no idea that it was going to take this long."

Realizing that my brain was repeating endlessly, 'DOES NOT COMPUTE', I went in search of some sugar and Lilly followed me. 

As I pulled a Coke out of the refrigerator, I asked, "Okay. Let's just pretend for a minute that what you're saying is actually true. Why wouldn't Mia just tell me herself?"

Lilly sighed. "Three reasons. One: because Mia still has problems vocalizing her emotions. Two: because she's going out with Kenny. Three: because she believes that you are dating Judith Gershner."

At this point, I spit out my mouthful of Coke all over the counter. Disgusting, I know. 

"WHAT?!!"

Lilly grinned, definitely amused now. "Mia thinks you're in the middle of a scandalous affair with Judith Gershner. And are you going to clean that up?

Don't worry, I did.

Me…and JUDITH? Not to say there's anything wrong with her, but-she's one of my best friends. 

It's just too weird to even think about.

How on earth could Mia have come up with an idea like that?

But when I asked Lilly, she sighed and gave me a LOOK. You know, the-I-can't-believe-you-haven't-seen-the-answer-yet-kind of look. 

"Well, it might have something to do with the fact that you've been spending so much time with her."

"That was for the Computer Club!" I exploded. "Plus, Judith has a boyfriend, for Christ's sake."

"Mia doesn't know that," Lilly pointed out. 

Which is true, I guess. 

So, anyway, I have to come up with a way to tell Mia about how I feel. If I don't, Lilly has threatened to tell everyone in the school that I got choked-up about an old 7th Heaven rerun. I still fiercely maintain that there was just something in my eye.

Much later…

So how do I tell her?

30 minutes from the last entry…

It has to be something really imaginative. Original. 

47 minutes later…

I'm running a complete blank. I mean, I just can't say it to her face. I know that I'll get all tongue-tied and stumble over the words-oh, my mom's yelling at me to go to sleep. Bye. 

3:30 in the morning…

I know, I know. You're probably saying, 'What the hell are you doing up at this time?'

Well, I've got it. 

It was the booth for the Carnival that gave me the idea. See, we've created two different versions. The faculty-friendly version, and the _real_ one. 

What if I created a _third_ program for Mia? One that told her how I felt? I'd get to witness her reaction-hopefully she'll fall into my arms and declare her undying love-What? I can dream, can't I?

Kenny couldn't be anywhere nearby, that's for sure. As few people as possible…I am not going to pull a Kenny move and run the chance of getting shot down in front of the entire school. 

Too tired to work out all the details. Will figure it all out tomorrow. 

Note to self: Must kill Lilly for not telling me sooner and putting me through all this. 


	5. December 12th, Mia loses it

December 12th

Oh. 

My. 

God.

Reality has come to a screeching halt.

Mia, my sweet, _innocent_ Mia has turned into this...badass! No longer sweet and innocent, oh no. Now she's this ultra-bad girl who's putting Courtney Love to shame.

And I must admit, I kind of dig the new Mia.

Principal Gupta doesn't, though. Mia's been suspended. 

And what was her crime, you ask? Oh, nothing much. Just completely destroying a pink cell phone that belonged to the Queen of Airheads, Lana Weinberger. 

I swear I'm not making this up. 

Mia's the talk of the school. The jocks and cheerleaders are outraged, of course, and the rest of us mere mortals…well, the celebration party in Mia's honor is on Friday. 

There was even a melding of the Computer Club and Mia's friends to discuss it at lunch today.

Lilly was bewildered, yet proud. 

"I don't know what prompted her to do it," she kept repeating. "All I can say is that it's about time."

Amen to _that_.

Both Kenny and Tina are both at a loss to explain Mia's sudden act of homicidal rage towards a defenseless cell phone. 

Seriously, thought, Mr. Gianini's her stepfather, for crying out loud. Sending his own family to the office to get suspended? Nepotism obviously has no place in _his_ world.

Every time I think I've got that girl figured out, she just keeps whipping out the surprises. 

Now all I have to worry about is Mia being suspended and not being able to come to the Carnival, therefore not seeing my program that declares my love for her.

I'll update on that later…

Later…

Good news: Mia's not grounded. 

Bad news: She STILL hasn't admitted to writing me the notes. (Thereby fueling my sneaking suspicion that this is all part of Lilly's plot to humiliate me in front of the entire school for when I flushed her favorite teddy bear down the toilet. My sister never forgets a grudge.)

Here's our conversation on the Internet:

CracKing: Hey, Thermopolis, what's this I hear about you getting suspended?

FtLouie: Just for one day.

CracKing: What'd you do?

(I already knew, but I wanted to hear her explanation.)

FtLouie: Crushed a cheerleader's cellular phone.

CracKing: Your parents must be so proud.

FtLouie: If so, they've done a pretty good job of disguising it so far.

(Okay, here comes the perfect chance to answer the question…)

CracKing: So are you grounded?

FtLouie: Surprisingly, no. The attack on the cell phone was provoked. 

(I always knew that Mia's mom was laid-back, but wow…)

CracKing: So you'll still be going to the Carnival next week?

(Please, please say yes…)

FtLouie: As secretary to the Students Against the Corporatization of Albert Einstein High School, I believe my attendance is required. Your sister is planning for us to have a booth.

(Oh yeah…in all the upheaval over Mia and the notes, I forgot about my sister's psychotic plan to overthrow the administration.)

CracKing: That Lilly. She's always looking out for the good of mankind. 

(Not.)

FtLouie: That's one way of putting it.

(Long pause. I'm working up my nerve to ask her if she's the author of the notes when she says good-bye and logs off.)

Damn.

Oh, well. I'll find out in seven days at the Carnival when Mia sees the program. Either she'll jump into my arms or burst out laughing.

Somehow, that wasn't that comforting.


	6. December 13th, Michael drools

A/N: This is the first time that I've published two chapters of the same story at the same time. There's a very good reason for that. Due to personal reasons, I will not be publishing PD fanfiction or any fanfiction for a while. Don't worry, I will be back eventually. In any case, thank you for the feedback…and the memories.

That said, enjoy the last two chapters of Insanity Is Contagious.

December 13th

Oy.

I have written thousands of pages extolling Mia's beauty. What can I say? The girl's a knockout. Even if for some bizarre reason, she can't seem to see it.

That fact was established once again today in the _Sunday Times_.

Spreads out in four-color pages on the Sunday Times are pictures of Mia with the heading, 'Fashion Fit For A Princess'. 

I know that I'm supposed to be a sensitive male of the twenty-first century, but I guess I'm still a caveman at heart, 'cause my first reaction to seeing Mia in that fashion spread was 'AAAOOOGGAA!'

Lilly noticed too, because as she took the paper away she went, "Down, boy."

Damn, she looked gorgeous. 

But even as I was staring at the pictures, trying not to drool, the thought came to mind, _'How on earth did this happen?'_

I just can't see Mia voluntarily posing for a fashion spread. Not only is she insecure about her looks (don't ask me why, because I can't tell you) but she's really more about inner beauty and not caring how you look. 

Lilly doesn't know the whole story, but she said that Mia was really upset. So I sent her a few funny e-mails trying to cheer her up. 

This is just too confusing. More later.

Later…

Oh, okay. Lilly says that Mia had no idea the pictures were going to be published. Evidently, a distant cousin of Mia's designed the dresses. He took the pictures so Mia could look them over and decide which one to wear, then decided to advertise his designs in a newspaper. 

And what better way to do that?

Why, by using your royal and oh-so-famous cousin, that's how.

Yeesh. And I thought the Osbournes were a dysfunctional family.


	7. December 19th, Lilly convinces Michael t...

Summary: Lilly convinces Michael to come down to the dance on the phone after Mia shows up. WARNING: An extremely depressed and pissed-off Michael.  
  
Author's note: Okay, I warned you that this wouldn't be in order of the time that they happened in the book. BTW, in answer to Gothic Valley Girl's question, they-they being Meg Cabot-have mentioned a few times in the first two books that Michael's a huge fan of Buffy. And this isn't in diary form; I just decided to go into Michael's head. There will be some swear words, after all, Michael is 18.  
  
  
  
I sigh and look at my reflection in the window of the subway. My tie's untied, my hair's messed-up…and I can't really bring myself to care. After all, I've already made myself look like an idiot, my reputation's already shot to hell, so what more damage can me looking all grungy do? Even though part of me's expecting to be shot down again, at least this time I'll hopefully get an explanation.  
  
~God, I just want to get this over with already,~ I thought to himself. Then with a bitter chuckle, I add, ~Fact of the day: I am a major idiot who gets pushed around by his Nazi of a sister.~  
  
Apparently a part of my mind that hasn't completely lost its sanity had to flash back to the apartment to figure out how on earth I was on a subway, in a tuxedo, about to confront a certain member of the Genovian royal family whose purpose in life is apparently to make me feel like an extremely confused idiot.  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
You know, normally watching Buffy save the world gets my mind off my messed- up life.  
  
Not today. Evidently something about watching the love of your life run away screaming right after you've declared your love for her sucks the fun right out of watching the Slayer kicking some undead butt.  
  
The phone rings. With a sigh, I put Buffy on mute and pick up the phone.  
  
"Moscovitz residence, talk to me."  
  
"Michael, get down here NOW."  
  
Shit. It's Lilly. I SO do not need this now.  
  
"Why?" I demand. "Why should I listen to you? Thanks to you, I not only humiliated myself in front of Mia, but also in front of the entire student body. Look, do me a favor and stop doing me any more damn favors!"  
  
Lilly sighed. "Mia's here, you idiot!"  
  
Lilly evidently can't get it through my head that I just want to sit here in my shirt and boxers and watch Buffy kick Spike's ass again. "So?" I ask. "I'm not interested in watching her dance with Kenny."  
  
"They broke up, nimrod."  
  
I sit up suddenly, turning off the TV. Not even Buffy can grab my attention now. "What?"  
  
"Mia and Kenny broke up," Lilly repeats impatiently. "Get down here, okay?"  
  
I sigh. She's just not getting the fact that Mia and I aren't getting together in this universe. "Look Lilly, I know you're trying to help, but Mia's made it pretty damn clear that she doesn't want to talk to me, all right? And I don't feel like going through any more public humiliation."  
  
At this point, I have to hold the receiver away from my ear. Man, can Lilly scream loud.  
  
"Michael, I don't know why Mia ran away from you or why she didn't answer your calls. But what I do know is this: I have never seen Mia so depressed. EVER. And I also know that this is your last chance to get everything straightened out before she leaves for Genovia. So if you are even half as smart as I think you are, you WILL come down here."  
  
~*~*~*~*~*~  
  
So here I am, on the damn subway on my way to that godforsaken hellhole known as Albert Einstein School.  
  
And all I can say is, I am the biggest sucker for punishment that has EVER walked the earth. 


	8. December 19th, the dance

A/N: This is directly from Michael's thoughts and isn't in diary form.

By the time I walk into the doors, I'm anxious, very confused, and more than a little pissed off with the world at large. 

Honestly, life used to be so simple before I fell in love with Mia Thermopolis.

I notice Lars first. Kinda hard not to, seeing as how he is the tallest person in the room.

I jog up to them. Not a good idea, 'cause now I'm out of breath.

Mia turned around, her eyes wide. 

She looks gorgeous, first off. Which didn't help, seeing as how the last time she looked like-well, a princess, I could hardly get two words out. (See Rocky Horror night when Kenny stole the girl of my dreams. Not a good night, overall.)

"I didn't think you were coming," I manage to get out. If I had, I would have at least made an attempt to look halfway decent, instead of looking like something regurgitated by the Hellmouth.

Mia is red for some reason. "Well, I almost didn't."

"I called you a bunch of times," I said. "Only you wouldn't come to the phone." And I had to try to explain to Mr. Gianini and your mom why you had locked yourself in your room. Your mom is SCARY when she's mad.

"I know," Mia said softly, staring down at the floor like it had the mysteries of the universe written on it.

"Mia, I started, "With that thing today. I didn't mean to make you cry." Or make you run away screaming as if I'd just sprouted warts, horns and a tail.

She is _still_ staring at the floor. Hello, Mia, I'm up here? A little eye contact, please?

"It didn't," she said quietly. "I mean, it wasn't that. It was something Kenny said."

Ah, yes, Kenny. The bane of my existence for the past three months.

"Yeah. Well, I heard you two broke up." Best damn news I've heard all day.

I dimly remember the scripts I'd made up on my way here. And decide to throw them all out the door.

See, all of them have me being all suave and debonair like James Bond. I don't do James Bond well. Maintaining any semblance of normalcy around Mia is hard enough.

I take a deep breath. Here goes…everything.

"The thing is," I say, "I knew it was you. Who was leaving those cards."

Even at this bombshell, Mia still doesn't life her head. Instead, staring at her toes, (evidently I am too hideous a creature to gaze upon) she goes in this soft, quavering, little-girl voice that makes me go weak in the knees, "You did."

Oh. God.

She's going to cry and I can't stand it 'cause she should not be crying and especially not over me and-

STOP.

Just stop it, Michael, and get through this, because ANYTHING is better than the endless waiting you've been doing for so long. 

And all of this is running through my head and all I know now is that I'm in love with Mia Thermopolis. And I'm tired of doing nothing about it. 

"Of course I did. Lilly told me."

Finally-FINALLY-she raises her eyes. There are no tears in her eyes, just pure and complete shock.

"_Lilly_ told you?" she shrieks. "How did _she_ know?"

I wave my hand, not really caring how Lilly got her information. "I don't know. Your friend Tina told her, I guess. But that's not important."

Mia's not looking at me. Instead, she's glaring at Lilly and Tina, muttering something about killing the both of them. 

I reach out, grab both her shoulders, and give her a little shake. My God, Mia's got a short attention span.

"_Mia. _It doesn't _matter_," I tell her. "What matters is that I meant what I wrote. And I thought you did, too."

Mia's staring at me as if I've escaped from the mental ward. "Of course I meant what I wrote."

I can only shake my head at this. The girl is going to kill me. "Then why did you freak out like that today at the Carnival?"

Mia's gaping at me, her mouth forming an O. "Well, because…. because…I thought…I thought you were making fun of me."

Oh. My. God.

So that's what's going on. Everything suddenly clicks, and I feel like laughing, and jumping on something. 

"Never," I manage to get out.

But most of all I just want to kiss her.

And I do.

I thought that getting into Columbia was the high point of my life. I was wrong.

Kissing Mia Thermopolis is.

And believe me, if this is insanity, I'm not going to miss normalcy one bit.


End file.
